The Power of Small Integers

An integer is a very powerful thing. Plain and whole, it is solid and clear with none of the vagueness of some non-integers (such as Pi).  It leaves no question, it provides no false sense, it allows no myth or delusion. When it is a small integer, it is concrete and immediate; cold, hard fact. And when it is so small it can be counted with just a few fingers (or less), it is usually bad.  Today I received three such integers.

1 – the number of months for which I should prepare myself.  Turns out that the murmur and arrhythmia that I thought we would manage medically were signposts, but not the problem.  It is the tumor on Bailey’s heart causing the arrhythmia.  The inoperable tumor.  The inoperable blood vessel tumor which, if malignant will spread very quickly to other systems, or cause her to bleed out even if benign. 

3 – the maximum number of months Bailey might live if I pursue no oncological treatment and if we are lucky.

3 – pending further consultation from an oncologist, the maximum number of months that Bailey’s life might be extended with chemotherapy.

These are very small integers.  These are very, very powerful integers.